caffeine and introspection

Had dinner and coffee with Ate JC and Jannah last night, for some long-overdue bonding. Ate just came back from her 11-month New York sojourn, and treated her favorite residents (kami yun, wag na magselos ang iba :P) to Starbucks, which she promised she would almost a year ago. Better late than never diba? Besides, last year, when we were supposed to have that coffee, I think Jannah and I were both too wasted to get up and take her up on the offer. But that's a different story.

So there we were -catching up, gossiping, and reminiscing. We talked about our lack of straight arrows when it came to our lives, and hearing Ate just laugh about it was somehow comforting. After all, as pasaway as she was and still is, she's still, well, Ate. If she's comfortable with her shaky arrows -and given that she entered the "real world" way before us -then I guess we should be as well.

I kinda envy her actually. She took some time off, had some fun and not too demanding jobs, and played in the Big Apple. It makes me think twice about being in such a hurry to be a full fledged adult, when technically, I still am a teenager. Why the rush anyway? For self-fulfillment? I already work in an 8-5 job, being as adult as I can be, waking up way before my normal waking hours (the horror!), but it sure isn't fulfilling. There's still something missing. And I can't shake off the feeling that I shouldn't be doing this, yet. Or that I should be doing something else. Because of parental pressure? Not even. If it was up to my mother, she'd have me bum around for a while, spend some quality time with her, and drive her around. And Tats is still holding on to his belief that I should do whatever I want and live with my decisions. Not much pressure there. Perhaps it's peer pressure. And expectations from people who probably wouldn't understand. Even my alma mater exerts a greater amount of pressure, albeit indirectly.

And then the topic of relocating came up. Always my favorite decision item. Ate plans to go back in 2 years perhaps, or more. Jannah, if she gets fed up with finding the perfect job here, is seriously contemplating about leaving as well. And I'm...well, I have no idea. Well, I do, but I'm not sure it's the right one. It's a risk, but it has the potential to bring very good returns later on. It's just a matter of my willingness to take that risk. What effects it'll have on my future, I don't know. But then again, it makes me think, why worry so much about the future anyway? Why is it so important to have straght arrows? Life can't always guarantee that. You can't always shoot a bull's eye.

In one of my favorite children's songs, "que sera sera" is considered wise. Hmm...maybe it is wiser than worrying too much about what is always uncertain.